Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
