"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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