we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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