i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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