I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
honey bunches of taint.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
