I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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