So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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