I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
