ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
