go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
