You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
