he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
