And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
