Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
