I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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