if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
