You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
