If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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