dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm really busy with my period
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