take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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