He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
