Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
