I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
