we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You pole danced in your parka.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
