i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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