Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
