Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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