After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
