I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
