Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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