im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
