We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
