I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
