hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
