Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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