I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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