I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no, he came in my armpit
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
