He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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