is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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