i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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