I accidentally had phone sex last night
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
