Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
