More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
