now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
