we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
