i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
