I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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