One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
