You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
