There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
