his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
